Wild OatsDVD - 2016
Closed captioned for the hearing impaired.
From the critics
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What would you do if it were your money?
-If it was my money?
If it were my money.
-It is your money.
No. If it were yours.
-If it was mine?
If it were your money, not "was" your money, "were."
-Oh, my grammar. Right. God, I don't know. I mean... I'd go to the most
beautiful island in the world, where no one ever goes. Take all my clothes off
and throw them on a bonfire, and just dance naked with a dozen beautiful young men.
Well, when is the last time you had anything with Ben?
-I don't want to talk about that.
I thought you said he was a fire hose.
-He was. He was just spraying it everywhere else.
Make a wish.
-I wish it was somebody else's birthday.
Alvin. I've often wondered why you don't retire.
-Oh, I wish I could.
-My daughter lives in China. I fly her back here once a year to see me. Plane fares are enormous.
I got a case right here. If you nail this one, you can move to China.
-Oh, I don't want to move to China.
You have kind of a deep voice for a woman.
-That's a very personal observation, young man.
How would you like to go back to the hotel? You see... If I was 30 years younger, I could pad the way a little more. And waste even more time.
Are you joining someone?
-Yes. Yes. Uh, if you see a... a tall, dark, handsome guy between... the ages of... 21 and 55, broad shoulders, slim waist, big wide feet, I'll be at the bar. So keep your eyes open. Comprende?
And it's from this very spot that he set sail to discover the Americas.
-Yes, but when he discovered America, he thought he had found India. That's why our Native Americans are called Indians. You know what they say about Columbus? They say he didn't know where he was going, and then when he got back, he didn't know where he had been.
Oh, I know that feeling.
I'll say this to everyone. I could have been on the cover of Vogue. I grew up with an IQ of 175, but all my life did I ever meet a man who said, "Hello, cutie pie, what's your IQ"?
- Well, no, probably never, never.
Never. Not even if they're curious.
I swear, I don't have your money!
-I have listened to your bullshit for much longer than I want to listen to bullshit. I didn't teach tenth grade students for 35 years for nothing. I could tell when they were lying even when they didn't know it.
Tell me something, seoras. When it's bedtime for a baby in America, and the baby cannot sleep, is it common to fire machine guns right outside of the goddamn window of the goddamn nursery room,
when you tell your husband 700 times to shoot the gun out in the jungle so that his wife can get some sleep?
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